For many people, the holidays bring warmth and togetherness. For others, they bring a knot in the stomach that starts weeks before Thanksgiving.
If you grew up taking care of a parent’s emotions, keeping the peace, or walking on eggshells, going home can feel like stepping back into an old role. You might be a capable, grounded adult in every other part of your life, and still feel twelve years old the moment you walk through the door. That isn’t a failure on your part. It’s your nervous system remembering.
This month, I want to offer a few practical tools for the season, whether you’re gathering with family, choosing a different kind of holiday, or somewhere in between.
Going home when home is complicated
Decide before you go. Think ahead about what you’ll attend, how long you’ll stay, and what topics you won’t discuss. Decisions made calmly at home are easier to keep than decisions made in the moment.
Give yourself an exit. Drive yourself if you can, or have a plan for leaving. Knowing you can leave often makes it easier to stay.
Have a few go-to responses ready. You don’t owe anyone a debate. Simple, kind phrases can protect your peace:
“I’m not going to talk about that today.”
“Let’s talk about something else.”
“I’m going to step outside for a minute.”
Notice the old roles. Were you the fixer, the peacemaker, or the one who held everything together? If you feel yourself sliding back into that role, pause. You get to choose differently now.
Ground yourself in the moment. When emotions rise, try a slow breath out (longer than your breath in), press your feet into the floor, or name five things you can see around you. Small resets can keep you present.
Plan your recovery time. Schedule something restful for afterward: a walk, a quiet evening, a call with a friend who gets it.
And if this year you choose not to go, or to celebrate in a smaller way, that’s allowed too. Protecting your well-being is not a betrayal of your family.
When shorter days feel heavier
Daylight saving time ended on November 1, and many of us notice the change. Darker evenings can bring lower energy, more sleep, and a general sense of heaviness.
A few things can help: get some natural light early in the day, keep moving your body, and hold on to your routines even when motivation dips.
Sometimes, though, the “winter blues” are more than seasonal sluggishness. It may be time to reach out if, for two weeks or more, you’re:
feeling persistently down or hopeless
losing interest in things you usually enjoy
seeing changes in your sleep or appetite
finding it hard to keep up with work, family, or daily life
These can be signs of depression, and depression is very treatable. You can learn more about how I work with depression here.
You don’t have to navigate this season alone
If the holidays stir up old wounds, or you’re simply tired of carrying it all by yourself, I’d be honored to support you. I offer secure online therapy for adults in Texas and New Jersey, with evening and weekend appointments available.
Schedule your free 15-minute consultation →
Wishing you a gentle and grounded month!,
Maranice Strickland, LPC
Good Counsel Therapy
